Hi All,
Time for a good laugh at the expense of the English. Enjoy!
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.
Anonymous
Some reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking English;
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) There is no time like the present, he said it was time to present the
present.
At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine In
pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is
neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't
groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a
wiseguy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house
can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out
and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
If Dad is Pop, how come! Mom isn't Mop?
GO FIGURE! That's English.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Go Slow attack
Hi All,
Anyone familiar with the Lagos roads knows that the snail pace traffic popularly referred to in Nigeria as "go slow" is a part of every day life. In fact the only way to avoid it is to remain in your house. No matter which part of the megalopolis you live or work, you will encounter it on your way to or from work, party, church, hospital, wherever. It is an accepted part of life in Lagos. No one likes it, we just live with it given that we have no choice.
Coming from a background of twelve years as an Abuja resident it is particularly difficult for me to bear, but who has a choice? However, bad as the traffic situation is, it is made worse by the dangers that await in various forms; car breakdowns, empty fuel tanks and especially, robbery attacks! Yes, robbery attacks, daytime or night they rob you quietly or noisily and disappear into thin air! Sometimes they rob sveral vehicles in a row and everyone is helpless as there is no where to run. Everyone knows that they happen all the time, you just pray and hope to never fall a victim.
Well, last night I almost fell a victim! I have very poor night vision and generally try to avoid driving at night; but sometimes this is unavoidable. Last night I was on my way home from church. I had not attended weekly services for about three months because of the challenge with driving at night, but I was feeling the effects of missing fellowship so much that I had to take the risk this week. On tuesday, I asked a friend who was carless and going my way to drive me home. Yesterday there was no one to drive me home and I faced the road myself.
When I observed the traffic snarl a few metres from my church, I was at once grateful and upset. Grateful, because with a slow moving traffic it is easier for me to drive in the night; and upset because I was very hungry and wanted to get home quickly to my dinner. The traffic was really bad and we were barely moving, I had an irate customer calling me to demand for their Dubai visa which Ishould have emailed about three hours earlier. I reassured the lady that I would send the visa on getting home and tried to explain about the bad traffic situation. I succeeded in calming her down and dropped my phone beside me.
As usual there was no light as PHCN was on "duty" and I wondered idly when the electrical situation in our nation would be permanently rectified and we would have streetlights evrywhere.
The traffic was so bad that most people had their engines turned off, including yours truly, my windos were down for some air and my doors were unlocked. Suddenly a young man on a motorbike came out seemingly from no where and stopped by my window. "mama dem dey call you for back" meaning, "hey lady, there's someone looking for you at the back". "who be the person? I asked , "somebody", he insisted.
I kept on querying him and I refused to look back. When he saw that I could not be distracted he looked at me angrily and moved off towards the back of my car, it was then I looked back and saw that he had a partner who quickly jumped on the motorbike and they zoomed! It was then I realised that this must be how it happens, you are quietly dispossesed in the traffic and no one around is any wiser! That was when the shakes started for me.I called my hubby and narrated what had taken place, ( as if he could do anything about it) and then I started my car, wound up my windws, and locked the doors. Of course from then till I got home I was more attentive!
It is a nasty experience and even though nothing happened I still shudder to think what might have happened. The funny part of it all is that I had no money l on me. Not even five naira. I had dropped all my money in the offering in church. I have a blackberry phone which I hardly carry around; it was at home safely, the handset I had on me costs a mere 3000 naira (less than $20) brand new, a grateful customer had given it to me last year.
I had nothing of any value to a thief, but of great value to me. I had my wallet which is stuffed full with various cards. My visa credit card, two ATM cards ,and several identification cards including my national id card and my drivers' licence. Absolutely useless to a thief but almost irreplaceable to me. I thank the good Lord for His continued deliverance............
Shalom!
Anyone familiar with the Lagos roads knows that the snail pace traffic popularly referred to in Nigeria as "go slow" is a part of every day life. In fact the only way to avoid it is to remain in your house. No matter which part of the megalopolis you live or work, you will encounter it on your way to or from work, party, church, hospital, wherever. It is an accepted part of life in Lagos. No one likes it, we just live with it given that we have no choice.
Coming from a background of twelve years as an Abuja resident it is particularly difficult for me to bear, but who has a choice? However, bad as the traffic situation is, it is made worse by the dangers that await in various forms; car breakdowns, empty fuel tanks and especially, robbery attacks! Yes, robbery attacks, daytime or night they rob you quietly or noisily and disappear into thin air! Sometimes they rob sveral vehicles in a row and everyone is helpless as there is no where to run. Everyone knows that they happen all the time, you just pray and hope to never fall a victim.
Well, last night I almost fell a victim! I have very poor night vision and generally try to avoid driving at night; but sometimes this is unavoidable. Last night I was on my way home from church. I had not attended weekly services for about three months because of the challenge with driving at night, but I was feeling the effects of missing fellowship so much that I had to take the risk this week. On tuesday, I asked a friend who was carless and going my way to drive me home. Yesterday there was no one to drive me home and I faced the road myself.
When I observed the traffic snarl a few metres from my church, I was at once grateful and upset. Grateful, because with a slow moving traffic it is easier for me to drive in the night; and upset because I was very hungry and wanted to get home quickly to my dinner. The traffic was really bad and we were barely moving, I had an irate customer calling me to demand for their Dubai visa which Ishould have emailed about three hours earlier. I reassured the lady that I would send the visa on getting home and tried to explain about the bad traffic situation. I succeeded in calming her down and dropped my phone beside me.
As usual there was no light as PHCN was on "duty" and I wondered idly when the electrical situation in our nation would be permanently rectified and we would have streetlights evrywhere.
The traffic was so bad that most people had their engines turned off, including yours truly, my windos were down for some air and my doors were unlocked. Suddenly a young man on a motorbike came out seemingly from no where and stopped by my window. "mama dem dey call you for back" meaning, "hey lady, there's someone looking for you at the back". "who be the person? I asked , "somebody", he insisted.
I kept on querying him and I refused to look back. When he saw that I could not be distracted he looked at me angrily and moved off towards the back of my car, it was then I looked back and saw that he had a partner who quickly jumped on the motorbike and they zoomed! It was then I realised that this must be how it happens, you are quietly dispossesed in the traffic and no one around is any wiser! That was when the shakes started for me.I called my hubby and narrated what had taken place, ( as if he could do anything about it) and then I started my car, wound up my windws, and locked the doors. Of course from then till I got home I was more attentive!
It is a nasty experience and even though nothing happened I still shudder to think what might have happened. The funny part of it all is that I had no money l on me. Not even five naira. I had dropped all my money in the offering in church. I have a blackberry phone which I hardly carry around; it was at home safely, the handset I had on me costs a mere 3000 naira (less than $20) brand new, a grateful customer had given it to me last year.
I had nothing of any value to a thief, but of great value to me. I had my wallet which is stuffed full with various cards. My visa credit card, two ATM cards ,and several identification cards including my national id card and my drivers' licence. Absolutely useless to a thief but almost irreplaceable to me. I thank the good Lord for His continued deliverance............
Shalom!
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
This and That
Hi all,
It's been quite a while. February has turned out to be quite a topsy- turvy month. What with chicken pox, malaria, a bad cold and all. It has been one of those months you want to see end very quickly.
In all though I have cause to thank God. Dennis quietly turned fifty-( celebration will be done later in the year), Bobos recovered well from his chicken pox attack - and all we have to do is figure out a way to get rid of the scars! He is back to his old self and asserting his authority as "baby of the house".
Two days ago I was giving him a bath and trying to figure a way out of the turbulent start to this new year, when he started with his usual 'bathroom gist'.
Bobos: "mummy please bath my spiderman, he is my son" (he has this little spiderman toy that he insists on bathing with whenever it is not 'hiding')
Mummy: "so, you have a son?"
Bobos: "Yes now, this spiderman is my son. can't you see he is little and I am big?"
Mummy: "so you are a big boy now?"
Bobos: "I am big enough!"
And that last statement was deliverance indeed for me. I realised that this young man had again taught me a great lesson. I am big enough for the challenges that face me. Indeed we are all big enough.
The Bible says in 1 Cor.10:13, "No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear to bear it."
We are always big enough for our troubles; the challenge is that we don't always look for that promised way of escape. I have a fresh perspective, thanks to that reminder from Bobos, "I am big enough" and so are you!
Shalom....
It's been quite a while. February has turned out to be quite a topsy- turvy month. What with chicken pox, malaria, a bad cold and all. It has been one of those months you want to see end very quickly.
In all though I have cause to thank God. Dennis quietly turned fifty-( celebration will be done later in the year), Bobos recovered well from his chicken pox attack - and all we have to do is figure out a way to get rid of the scars! He is back to his old self and asserting his authority as "baby of the house".
Two days ago I was giving him a bath and trying to figure a way out of the turbulent start to this new year, when he started with his usual 'bathroom gist'.
Bobos: "mummy please bath my spiderman, he is my son" (he has this little spiderman toy that he insists on bathing with whenever it is not 'hiding')
Mummy: "so, you have a son?"
Bobos: "Yes now, this spiderman is my son. can't you see he is little and I am big?"
Mummy: "so you are a big boy now?"
Bobos: "I am big enough!"
And that last statement was deliverance indeed for me. I realised that this young man had again taught me a great lesson. I am big enough for the challenges that face me. Indeed we are all big enough.
The Bible says in 1 Cor.10:13, "No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear to bear it."
We are always big enough for our troubles; the challenge is that we don't always look for that promised way of escape. I have a fresh perspective, thanks to that reminder from Bobos, "I am big enough" and so are you!
Shalom....
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Help for parents with teenagers
Hi,
I have a teenage son and an almost teenage daughter. I guess I know how they can be sometimes. I found this article helpful and I thought you might too. Please let me know what you think............shalom!
All teens lie, right? Teen lying is something that is done harmlessly and viciously. Teens lie for many reasons; most of them have to do with their ability to do it. Pulling a fast one over on mom and dad is something you probably tried too. But, in today's world, lying teens can get into a whole lot more trouble than you could. That is what makes it so important to know if your teen is lying to you and then to handle it.
Teens lie that their homework is done. They lie that they are fine when they may be dealing with heavy amounts of stress. They lie because they want to do something you are saying no to. They lie and they lie. Yet, what should you do if you think that your child is doing this?
Here are some things to think about.
While all teens lie from time to time, those that make it a habit may be covering up something that is much bigger. It is up to you to handle this now, before the teens lying gets them into huge amounts of trouble.
Are you concerned your teen is or may be getting out of control? If so click here to get some help from someone who has been working with frustrated parents for over 20 years!
I have a teenage son and an almost teenage daughter. I guess I know how they can be sometimes. I found this article helpful and I thought you might too. Please let me know what you think............shalom!
All teens lie, right? Teen lying is something that is done harmlessly and viciously. Teens lie for many reasons; most of them have to do with their ability to do it. Pulling a fast one over on mom and dad is something you probably tried too. But, in today's world, lying teens can get into a whole lot more trouble than you could. That is what makes it so important to know if your teen is lying to you and then to handle it.
Teens lie that their homework is done. They lie that they are fine when they may be dealing with heavy amounts of stress. They lie because they want to do something you are saying no to. They lie and they lie. Yet, what should you do if you think that your child is doing this?
Here are some things to think about.
- What makes you think they are lying? If you accuse them of lying to you, they will never fess up to it. Instead, they may try to cover it up and they may get away with it. Instead of accusing them, sit them down and talk to them about it. Really, you just need to talk about it without yelling and accusations to make the problems less important.
- Teens lying may be built onto something. They may want to impress you with where they are in their lives. They may not want to disappoint you either. Make sure that you are not pumping them up so much so that they feel they have to lie to you.
- The lying teen may be covering up trouble. Know your teen and recognize the symptoms of other problems. Talk with them about things like drugs, alcohol and sex. Talk with them about how to react to these situations. Spot when you think there is a problem and work it out then.
While all teens lie from time to time, those that make it a habit may be covering up something that is much bigger. It is up to you to handle this now, before the teens lying gets them into huge amounts of trouble.
Are you concerned your teen is or may be getting out of control? If so click here to get some help from someone who has been working with frustrated parents for over 20 years!
Resources:
Help with Parenting Troubled Teens
Article Copyright By Author. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Back to School
Hi, it has been one of those weeks. Bobos had the worst case of chicken pox I have ever seen- ( I had gone through four others, including moi and three of the other kids). It was so bad he even had the rash on his palms and the soles of his feet! And he added malaria for good effect! It was not funny at all. My tummy was for his mattress for four days straight.
Thankfully the worst is over and he is back to school today. It was not easy getting him to go back to school though. He came up with every excuse in the book. "mummy, see the small one is still on my belly", aunty Betty will not tell me sorry". " mummy, I want to sleep" and when nothing appeared to move mummy, he came out straight; " mummy take me back home".
Children,sigh! Hard to believe that I was once like that. Or that indeed I am still like that with my heavenly father. Jeremiah 29:11 says "..for I know the plans I have for you, plans of good and not of evil...." We often read those words but still insist on our own plans. We behave as if God cannot possibly appreciate exactly what we are going through and we need to getHim to see things our way!
How like three year old Bobos we are! God knows the things we are going through, yet he sees the big picture. Jesus said, "....your heavenly father knows that you need all these things........"(Matthew6:32b)
Yes, He knows. In Fact He knows better than you do. Just like I know Bobos is well enough to resume school, God knows the things we are capable of. He will never give you a burden you are not empowered to carry, regardless of how it looks. Trusting Him requires obedience even when it is uncomfortable to do so.Bobos finally agreed to stay in class. I have no doubt by the time I pick him up in the afternoon, he will be smiling and thoroughly glad to have gone to school today.
Same way we will be smiling when God picks us up at the end of our daily obedience to His leading...............shalom
Thankfully the worst is over and he is back to school today. It was not easy getting him to go back to school though. He came up with every excuse in the book. "mummy, see the small one is still on my belly", aunty Betty will not tell me sorry". " mummy, I want to sleep" and when nothing appeared to move mummy, he came out straight; " mummy take me back home".
Children,sigh! Hard to believe that I was once like that. Or that indeed I am still like that with my heavenly father. Jeremiah 29:11 says "..for I know the plans I have for you, plans of good and not of evil...." We often read those words but still insist on our own plans. We behave as if God cannot possibly appreciate exactly what we are going through and we need to getHim to see things our way!
How like three year old Bobos we are! God knows the things we are going through, yet he sees the big picture. Jesus said, "....your heavenly father knows that you need all these things........"(Matthew6:32b)
Yes, He knows. In Fact He knows better than you do. Just like I know Bobos is well enough to resume school, God knows the things we are capable of. He will never give you a burden you are not empowered to carry, regardless of how it looks. Trusting Him requires obedience even when it is uncomfortable to do so.Bobos finally agreed to stay in class. I have no doubt by the time I pick him up in the afternoon, he will be smiling and thoroughly glad to have gone to school today.
Same way we will be smiling when God picks us up at the end of our daily obedience to His leading...............shalom
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